The ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ Equation
Efficient Frontiers are n-dimensional. And they apply to "good, fast, cheap" and "exit, loyalty, voice"
You’re in a situation.
Maybe it’s your job. It pays the bills. Your coworkers are mostly non-homicidal. But a tiny part of your soul shrivels into a raisin every time you badge in.
Maybe it’s the city you live in. You have a routine, you know where to get good tacos, but you can’t shake the feeling that your real life is supposed to be happening somewhere else.
Maybe it’s a relationship. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. But it’s… fine. And “fine” has started to sound like a four-letter word.
Your brain feels torn: should I stay? Should I stay and change something? Can I change something? Should I just leave and look for something different somewhere else?
Inside your mind, a tiny stick figure (your Rational Decision-Maker) is at a control panel with a bunch of levers and buttons. A big, hairy gorilla labeled “Just Stay, It’s Easier” is asleep on one lever. A hyperactive lemur named “LEAP OF FAITH!” is jumping up and down on another. It’s chaos.
To untangle this, we need a map. And to get that map, we need to take a weird little detour into the world of finance. Don't worry, I'll bring snacks.
The Magic Possibility Fence
Imagine you’re a wizard, and you can spend your magic points on only two things: Making Money and Having Fun.
If you spend all your points on Making Money, you’re a joyless tycoon swimming in a vault of gold coins. If you spend all your points on Having Fun, you’re a broke but ecstatic beach bum. Most of us want a mix.
If you plotted all the possible combinations of Money and Fun on a chart, you’d see a bunch of dots. Some of those dots are just… bad. For the same amount of Fun, you could be making way more Money. Or for the same amount of Money, you could be having way more Fun.
But if you connect all the best possible dots—the ones where you absolutely can’t get more Fun without sacrificing some Money, or vice-versa—you get a cool-looking curve. Economists call this the efficient frontier.
I call it the Magic Possibility Fence.
Everything inside the fence is a bad deal. Everything on the fence is an optimal trade-off. There’s no single “best” spot on the fence—that depends on whether you’re more of a Tycoon-Wizard or a Beach-Wizard. The key is to make sure you’re on the fence in the first place.
This isn’t just about Fun and Money. It’s about any two things you trade off. Sleep vs. Productivity. Health vs. Tacos.
But life is usually more complicated than two things. Sometimes, you’re dealing with…
The Triangle of Possibility
Ever heard the project management mantra: Good, Fast, Cheap—Pick Two?
This is the Magic Possibility Fence, but in 3D. It’s a triangle. And getting lost in it can be agonizing. That’s where you were at the start, wondering if you should leave, stay, change something, and so on.
You can live on the edges of the triangle, but you have to give something up:
The Good & Fast Edge (but NOT cheap): This is hiring a team of elite Navy SEALs to build your backyard shed in an afternoon. It will be a glorious, state-of-the-art shed. It will also cost more than your house.
The Fast & Cheap Edge (but NOT good): This is buying a $5 haircut from a guy in a trench coat in an alley. It will be fast. It will be cheap. You will be wearing a hat for six months.
The Good & Cheap Edge (but NOT fast): This is your grandma knitting you a sweater. It will be made with love and of the highest quality. You will receive it three Christmases from now.
Most of us live somewhere in the mushy middle, making a frantic, sweaty compromise between all three. A reasonably good haircut that took a reasonable amount of time and cost a reasonable amount of money.
This triangle is a surprisingly useful map for all kinds of tough choices. Which brings us back to your chaotic mind deciding whether to change a job, change something about a job, move a city, and all that.
Your Brain’s Three Buttons: Exit, Loyalty, and Voice
Back in the 1970s, an economist named Albert Hirschman noticed that when people are unhappy with something—a company, a government, a product—they basically have three options. He gave them simple, powerful names:
Exit: You leave. You quit the job, you break up, you move to Portugal. You press the eject button.
Voice: You speak up. You complain, you protest, you suggest, you try to fix things from the inside. You grab the megaphone.
Loyalty: You stay, and you shut up. You endure. You accept the situation as it is, hoping it might get better or deciding it’s not worth the fight.
These three things are another Triangle of Possibility. You are, at all times, standing on a dot somewhere in this triangle for every single organization and relationship you are a part of. Every one. Each one is wildly different in how you move and make sense of it. But they’re all the same at heart.
Let’s look at the edges again, using that job that’s making you feel ‘meh’:
Peak Exit: You don't say a word to anyone. You just pack your desk plant into a box one day and vanish, leaving only a cloud of dust behind.
Peak Voice: You chain yourself to your boss’s desk, demanding reform. You have a 72-slide PowerPoint on "Synergizing Our Way to a Better Tomorrow." You are relentless. Exit is not even on your radar.
Peak Loyalty: Years pass. The company changes its name three times. Your chair has fused with your pants. You are still there, silently absorbing the mediocrity like a human sponge.
The extremes are rare. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, blending the options.
You might start quietly updating your LinkedIn (a little Exit) while also making a few suggestions in meetings (a little Voice), all while still showing up every day (a lot of Loyalty).
You start frantically interviewing as backup (a lot of exit) because you just spoke up hard in a big meeting (a lot of voice) because you think the company is making a huge mistake (almost no loyalty).
You start looking at house listings in a new city (a little exit) because you went to the town meeting and argued against a zoning law that passed (a lot of voice) but you also have a kid in the local school so you probably won’t leave hastily (a lot of loyalty)
So, Which Dot Are You?
Okay, great. Another triangle. So what?
The "so what" is that this map helps you understand why you feel stuck. The location of your dot on the triangle is determined by your personal "rewards"—and that doesn't just mean your salary.
Your reward for Voice might be a sense of integrity—you spoke your truth! Or it might lead to actual, positive change, which is a huge win. The cost of Voice is conflict, time, and emotional energy.
Your reward for Exit is freedom. A clean slate. The cost is uncertainty, loss of security, and leaving behind people or things you might actually like.
Your reward for Loyalty is stability, comfort, and avoiding conflict. The cost can be your own happiness, growth, and regret.
Deciding which direction to move on the triangle depends on your internal calculus. How much is stability worth to you? How much do you value the chance of making things better? How much pain are you in right now? Answering these questions helps you figure out which trade-offs you're willing to make. It turns the giant, scary scribble in your brain into a concrete set of questions.
This isn’t a formula that spits out The One True Answer. It’s a map that helps you see the puzzle you are already in! By understanding the trade-offs between leaving, speaking up, and sticking around, you can make a conscious choice!
What does your triangle look like for the most important parts of your life? Are you mostly loyalty+voicing it? Do you “exit” too quickly before trying out a little “voice”?